Cycle of futility

My latest training cycle has come to an end, and it's ended much like my last two training cycles.  In short, I create a plan, target a race and then go back to absolutely despising running after I get the mileage up.  Stepping back and taking stock has led me to the conclusion that I am, in fact, done.  I figured that I was wrung out and done with racing for a long time after the 2007 Richmond Marathon.  These cycles of futility have only confirmed that for me.  

Here's what I do know:

1) I love running.  I continue to do it and like being in shape.  I'm going to continue doing this.

2) I can't race.  I loved racing because I loved the process of setting PR's.  Therefore, I cannot line up for a race and know that I'll be minutes slower than the absolute best I could be.  A good friend of mine who ran in college told me that he can't bring himself to race despite the fact that he's in great shape for someone pushing 50.  In his words "Why would I go out of my way to break 18 for a 5K"?  While he is a much more talented runner than I, I am finally fully empathetic with this.

3) I realized that I slayed the dragons that I strained after for 10 years and have no more that I want to conquer.  Actually, relative to many people, these were only semi-large lizards instead of dragons.  I always wanted to break 40 for a 10k and qualify for Boston in the marathon.  I've done both on more than one occasion now and also participated in the wonderful celebration of running that is the Boston Marathon.  Despite trying to make other goals, they pale in comparison and fail to resonate with me enough to push past the considerable inconvenience.

I'm a fan on road racing and track and field.  I learned so much about myself from this recreational pursuit.  Most of this ambling, rambling blog will continue to be devoted to this wonderful sport.  However, the personal aspects will be fond recollections of the past.  The present will be devoted to other people's pursuits of their dragons.  

See some of you on the roads!