Performances that prove I'm old, Part TWO

It's the early '80s, I'm a spindly teenager in my basement on a Friday night and, unlike the children of parents who actually love them, I don't have cable. In a situation like this, you are forced to sit through whatever video show the local station likes to play at midnight. They all sort of run together for me. I remember a show called "Nightracks" or something like that. It was a loop of Michael Jackson and assorted artists and I was unequivocally not impressed. Somewhere, all the beloved children were getting to see Van Halen on their televisions. Every now and again, though, one of the network shows would show "Urgh! A Music War".



The movie was a compilation of several different punk/alternative/progressive/heydontlabelme/new wave groups performing live. When Urgh! was on, my angst was soothed as these bands were never even on cable. I was on the cutting edge for precisely two hours. Mind you, I was more of a metal kid at that time, but beggars can't be choosers. I remember the performances being very strange and different. One hit wonder Gary Numan (the one hit was "Cars") was shown puttering around on stage in some bizarre device that looked like he borrowed it off the set of the movie "Tron"; all while singing a song that was unintelligible. Wall of Voodoo (speaking of one hit wonders) performed a song that was equally random and pointless. There were punk acts that did the prototype punk performance. X did a pretty good number, and if I recall, the Police and XTC did "So Lonely". However, all of those acts looked like barbershop quartets compared to the Cramps. I'm not a Cramps fan and didn't even become one in my college punk/alternative/progressive/heydontlabelme/new wave phase. However, this performance burned a long-term impression into my brain.




I didn't think it was cool. Cool is not the right word. I didn't like the music, I really didn't like the guy's getup and I really didn't get what the whole thing was about. Regardless, I was transfixed after about three seconds. Watching it again, I have the same reaction. First, there's the appearance of Lux Interior, the lead "singer". I'll start with the pants. He's wearing what appears to be 80's metal spandex pants cut down to the point where they barely cover his junk and give him a repulsive plumbers crack. Somehow, these puppies stay on him while he cavorts around the stage working the microphone.

This brings up point number two. A very prominent part of the act involves him performing acts with the microphone that are probably illegal in many southern states. Was it to get that special sound? Was he just trying to be over the top? Was he just crazy?

I'm landing on the latter. Most punk bands go for anger and noise. When I listened to the Sex Pistols or Minor Threat, their three cords and unintelligible vocals all said the same thing; namely that they were pissed off at the world. What part of the world was not really the point, at least not for a 15 year old without cable. Metal groups had a similar theme, except they slowed it down a notch or 100 so they could tell you about women and booze. New Wave groups just looked like what I thought the anti-social kids at school would look like in 10 years.

The Cramps, however, were just plain batcrap. There's not necessarily anger; they're playing blues riffs. They don't smash or burn anything or go out of their way to spit on the audience. It looks like a mental patient was allowed to share his visions with a large audience; all while the band calmly plays in the background. Not surprisingly, the Cramps once played a gig at a mental hospital. Johnny Cash played prisons; The Cramps played for mental patients that probably didn't know anything about the band or why they were there. There's no statement except you can get paid to be this crazy.

Lux Interior passed away last February. RIP Lux....................you crazy, crazy mutha.

I'm too old for this.................

Training has started in semi-earnest. Right now, I'm just putting in the miles and building a base. The challenge isn't so much in the intensity or volume of training; that will come later. No, right now the challenge is running when I don't feel like a runner. Compared to times that I'm in shape to race/run I'm 15-20 pounds overweight. Right now, 8 minute pace feels up-tempo and I have to really watch how fast (this is a relative term) I go or I pay for it the next day. Truly humbling and I haven't fought through anything like this for the last 5 years. In short, I feel like I'm starting all over again.

So far, the plan isn't really involved. 7 hours a week of easy running. Next week, I get to add a neuromuscular workout. 10 kilometers on the track alternating 200 meters at 10K race pace and 200 meters of recovery jogging. The idea is to just get the legs used to a quicker turnover. It also gives some nice variety too since all I've been doing is slogging around a couple of times a day so far. The only way to screw it up is to run too fast on the 200 meter reps.