Usually, if people are passionate about a certain hobby or topic, they love talking about it to anyone and everyone. I remember when one of my friends was getting married. He was super excited. That was good. He was so excited that he actually talked to me about their china pattern. That was bad.
I have, over the years, discovered an exception to this rule. Namely, I dislike talking about running with non-runners. Running is actually one of my favorite topics, if the person has any idea of what they’re talking about. However, if the person is like 99% of planet earth and doesn’t know much about running; I’d really rather move on to the weather, whatever interests them, china patterns……..anything. I don’t mean that in a condescending way, its just that people don’t get it so I’d rather not bother. I don’t get the trivial details of their hobby either.
Anyhow, as a coping mechanism, I thought this would be an excellent place to go over common things I hear from people when they want to talk about running. I’ll preface these by saying that I generally think the people who try to talk running with me are being very nice and are obviously trying to focus the topic on something that they think I’d like to talk about. Here’s where the miscommunication begins and it continues with these little gems.
1) How far is it?
What they say: The conversation will turn around to running (despite my best attempts) and I’ll be asked about some upcoming race. If it’s a marathon (and this is another reason for me to stop marathons) the question will be followed up with “How far is it?”
What I say: I simply reply that it’s 26 miles. I don’t like to give any ammo for the conversation continuing longer than it has to so I keep answers simple. No 26.2 because then I could easily end up explaining the 0.2.
What I’m thinking: In this deal I see it coming a mile away, so I’m just concentrating on not appearing annoyed. I usually pull it off. For the record, a marathon is 26.2 miles, a half-marathon is half that, and an ultra-marathon is anything above that. However, the main thing that’s going through my head is that I’m hoping against hope that we don’t move on to gem #2. My bet is that 99.7% of the time; we do.
2) THAT joke.
What they say: See above. They ask about the length of the marathon, I give the reply and cringe because I know they’re going to say “I don’t even drive that far!!!!”
What I say: I mainly smile and pray that someone else will come in on the conversation and they can start talking for a while. Of course, this can backfire in that you can end up having double the “fun”.
What I’m thinking: Wow, just wow. Are there really 10,000 people that think I haven’t heard THAT joke? Or are there 10,000 people in the U.S. that have independently come up with that joke and shared it with me as an original? If you know the original author of that joke, please tell him/her that it’s really kind of clever the first time you hear it so kudos to them. Also please punch them in the face.
3) Knees, knees and more knees.
What they say: Usually a story about how they hurt their knees running, or how a friend did, or both. It can also take the form of a direct warning about how I’m going to hurt my knees and it’s just a matter of time. Sometimes this is an explanation as to why they don’t currently run all the time like they did in high school. Sometimes this is a back-handed way of telling me that running is bad for me.
What I say: I just calmly say that I’ve been pretty fortunate so far.
What I’m thinking: Would it be OK for me to poke someone in their beer belly and warn them about cardiovascular disease? Well, then why is it OK for tubby to turn in to an orthopedic consultant?
4) A comment about my weight.
What they say: This usually comes from someone I know after I’ve gotten out of shape and am no longer at race weight. Basically, they say that I look good and that I was way too thin before. I’ve been told that I was “too thin” or “unhealthy”. This doesn’t happen a lot, but it’s happened.
What I say: When told I was too thin, I replied “too thin to what?” I didn’t reply to the comment about looking unhealthy.
What I’m thinking: This one actually pisses me off more than all the rest, including THAT joke. It’s so ignorant I don’t even know where to start. Someone can be 20 pounds overweight and they’re fine, but don’t dare get to a low bodyfat so that you can run fast. That’s unhealthy.
Again, would it be OK to poke them in their belly and tell them that they’re unhealthy? My wife has told me that she likes the way I look better when I’m not at race weight. She’s entitled to comment and I make sure that I save the skeletal look only for when I’m really trying to bust a good time. Everyone else besides her can bite me.
5) You should run with……..
What they say: Something like “oh, my son/daughter/husband/wife/nephew/neice/brother/sister/friend” runs as well, you should run with them sometime.
What I say: Oh yeah? I always hope that a good “Oh, yeah?” can get me out of this one.
What I’m thinking: The son/daughter/husband/wife/nephew/neice/brother/sister/friend is often one of two categories.
Category A- So slow that I literally cannot physically run with them
Category B- Some stud who I MIGHT be able to run with if I’m doing a tempo run and they are taking it VERY easy.
6) RUN FORREST RUN!!!
What they say: Actually this is only peripherally related to this topic, but I had to include it because I hear it so much. People will yell “Run, Forrest run” at you while you’re running. They’re usually in a car or somewhere out of the way.
What I say: Absolutely nothing. I used to smile, like “Hey, clever joke”, but I can’t pretend any more.
What I’m thinking: When did that freaking movie even come out? 1991? ….and you still think that’s clever? As an aside, I heard about a guy who used to say “sit, fat-arse, sit” when people gave him the Forrest Gump line. I wouldn’t use it, but that’s quite a rejoinder.
7) How far did/do you run?
What they say: Usually happens when I’m getting back from a run and talk to somebody or if someone says they saw me running. They’ll ask me how far I ran or how far I usually run.
What I say: It’s easy if they asked how far I just ran. I can quickly just smile and tell them. It’s a little tricky if I ran far as it could lead to THAT joke, but otherwise I’m cool. If they ask how far I usually run, I stumble all over myself. I know they don’t want to hear running geek minutiae about long days, rest days, tempo runs, and track workouts and about how there often isn’t a “typical” day. A lot of times, I’ll just tell them what my weekly mileage is and leave it at that.
What I’m thinking: This one is actually real harmless. Sometimes I’m worried we’re headed for THAT joke. Sometimes I do think about how to relate how much I “typically” run, but for the most part this doesn’t really lead anywhere special and I often appreciate them taking an interest.
Of course, based on this last statement, my ambivalence suggest that there’s the tiny chance that I’M the one with the problem, not the nice people asking me about my hobby……….
